I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
