Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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