why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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