I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
