are you so shy because you have an std?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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