Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
where am i from again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
