I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
