I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
