but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
