How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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