My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
