Sponge bath it is.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
