Little spoons don't ask big questions
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
smell my finger.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize