I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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