I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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