just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize