Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
