dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
