Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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