I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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