everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
