am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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