So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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