Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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