It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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