last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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