and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
