He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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