I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
