I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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