Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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