someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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