I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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