That's intense
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
