yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize