My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
