My sheets look like a crime scene.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
