omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
