$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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