The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize