whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
