You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
