Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
