So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
