that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
