You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
