Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
