Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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