I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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