turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
