i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize