I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
