Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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