I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
