So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
