the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
