Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
