If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize