I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize