I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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