whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
