Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
