thus making me awesome and them whores
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
