Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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