is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
