did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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